Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
