I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
