Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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