i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
