i barfeds in our rink
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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