I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
