he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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