At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
