i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
