p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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