i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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