If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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