My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
