he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
