how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
