it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
