Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
