Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
