ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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