too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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