dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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