do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
