I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
