I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wow bdsm is so cute
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
