Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
