I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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