Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
