I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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