he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
