if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
