I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
