So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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