Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
