marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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