I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
