Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
whose ass print is on the piano?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
