you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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