remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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