she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
