so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
