dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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