the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
