Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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