Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
