i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
