I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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