ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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