well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
