How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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