I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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