just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
