I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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