I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
