Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
