Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
