I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
